Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Guide to Going to Europe

Threatening to go to Europe is the new threatening to move to Canada. Essentially, it’s a meaningless threat on par with a VERY meaningless threat. Nonetheless, as a service to everyone, I’ll show you how you can use the threat of going to Europe in your every day life to get what you want.


While booking a limousine for a wedding…
Martin: The best we can do for you is $200 an hour for a 14 seat, stretch Escalade.
Frank: I want a 20 seat party bus.
Martin: Well, that’ll be $240 an hour.
Frank: Whatever. I’m going to Europe.
Martin: Fine. How does $140 an hour sound?

While asking for a raise…
Erica: I’ve performed well above my expected level and feel that I should be promoted to the senior level.
Ron: You’re still a little inexperienced.
Erica: Fine. I’ll just go to Europe.
Ron: Alright, senior level, 11% raise, and a company car.

While negotiating an NBA contract...
Chris: Ey yo, uh, we ain’t sure you’re performance last year justifies you’s getting’ a big contrac’.
Andris: I veal go to Yoorope.
Chris: Aight, man, you got me. 6 years, 64 mill?
Andris: Voondarefool.

While listening to 80s rock…
Rico: Dude, Journey OWNS the 80s.
Mick: Yeah, right. I’m going Europe.

While seducing your wife…
Todd: Aww, c’mon, honey. It’ll be fun.
Hannah: We are NOT getting a third person.
Todd: Fine. I’m going to Europe.
Tony Parker: You want-a to sex-a my wife?

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