Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Best Part of Dwyane Wade's "Homecoming" Episode

Did you guys watch the Dwyane Wade episode of "Homecoming with Rick Reilly?" Rick Reilly is super awkward and wears Michael Jordan jeans, so I can't blame you if you missed the show.

ANYWAYS, I watched the show and I'm glad I did, because of hot chicks. Check out this clip that I ripped from the episode using the most advanced audio/video technology available. At about the 16 second mark you're going to see the hottest chick I've ever seen. It lasts like five seconds, so you know the producers think she's hot too.



Am I right? So hot. Like the Nike Air Lavadomes in the summer. That's how hot.

That super fresh hovering purple shoulder to the right of the screen, that's me. I was on the street that night, doing some serious reporting. And that girl? She's my wife.

So basically Dwyane Wade picked my wife to be on his show, which was filmed in Chicago, which means he's going to come play for the Bulls next season to be closer to her. I'm not worried. I've got a basketball championship, too. Plus I'm taller. Plus he has the same name as her dad, so that would be really weird. Totally advantage me.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

1000 Words: Typical Front Row Laker Fans

Top Lesbian News of 2009.

Yep, we're back for a second year with the top lesbian news of the year. With one difference: this year we'll be talking about 2009. Duh.

So what makes your top 5?

As it often features in the blog, I'd like to point out the arrival of Jessica Capshaw as the only lesbian character on television.


Grey's Anatomy got rid of one lesbian character last year and faced a lot of backlash from the gay community. But when Arizona came along, no one was complaining. Will we see the arrival of any more lesbians on TV in 2010?

In other television news, it seems that beloved(?) cable network show The L Word went off air this year.


The L Word paved the way for lesbian visibility way back in 2004, being the first show star an all female, mostly lesbian cast. However this year, the L Word showcased its final season. And boy, did it go out with a bang. For all the wrong reasons, of course.

We all saw a whole host of celebrities come out this year, too. From Brandi Carlile to Kelly McGillis, Clementine Ford to Megan Fox, 2009 was very good for the visibility of out, famous females.

Teens will obviously be very grateful for the lesbian romance portrayed on TV drama Skins between Naomi (Lily Loveless) and Emily (Kathryn Prescott).

Good news for 2010 too: they're back! And it looks all very dramatic too. Check out the E4 Website if you want to know more.

Of course, we also saw the re-administration of Proposition 8 in California this year. Bad news for all the gay and lesbian couples who were hoping to get married. Good news for the ones who took advantage of the law being overturned previously - they were allowed to stay married legally.

So what was the best (or worst) lesbian news for you this year? And what are you hoping happens next year?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The "Chill Out, Juwan Howard" Chronicles, Part 5

Tracking Juwan Howard's ill-fated stint with the Portland Trailblazers...

Chill out, Juwan Howard. It's just a rebound. No one else is even really trying for it. I'm pretty sure you've got it. You don't need to get all Rodman about it with the crazy mouth and leaning sideways action. Just jump up and get it and keep on LivingStrong.

Chill out, Juwan Howard

How to Stand in the NBA: A Primer

It's probably a scientific fact that some NBA players maybe spend about one-third of a basketball game standing around. Between fouls, twenty-second timeouts, and being Roko Ukic, this seems like a fair estimate that should be considered truth. This doesn't even count time on the bench, where players such as Adam Morrison, Bill Walker, and Roko Ukic have mastered the art of standing. In fact, there have probably been petitions to rename the league the NBaaSA, which would stand (zinger) for National Basketball and also Standing Association. Because of all the standing, this makes sense.

As such, The Blowtorch has put together a quick guide to standing in the NBaaSA. It's pretty simple, really. Here's what the New York Knicks have to say about standing.

David Lee: "Just stand and like put your hands on your hips. Maybe think about a Vampire Weekend song."
Wilson Chandler: "Yeah, what David said. I chew my mouthguard because I'm really weird and have two last names that sometimes people use as first names. I hated Home Improvement."
Al Harrington: "Psssssht. Home Improvement was my jam. Zachary Ty Bryant was hilarious."
David Lee: "Learn how to stand. Both hands on hips."
Wilson Chandler: "Heidy-ho, neighbor."
Thanks guys. David Lee basically nailed it. To successfully stand in the NBA, you just stand like a normal person, but you add in the hands on hips thing because when you're wearing shorts you don't have pockets to put your hands in. If you don't put your hands on your hips, Tony Parker will laugh at you.

"Eh, Keef Bogan, poot ze hands on ze heeps, mon frere. Eet make-a for-a clehn-a seeeloooeeet."
With the proper training, anyone can learn how to stand. The Indiana Pacers have recently launched a community outreach program where they reach out to members of the community to teach them how to stand. Here we see Josh McRoberts teaching an elderly man how to stand. As you can see, he's got a couple of his teammates with him to help demonstrate.

"DUDE JUST PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS. DO YOU LIKE MASTODON? THEY'RE INSANE. YOU CAN BORROW MY MINIDISC PLAYER IF YOU WANT SOMETIME. LET'S GO SEE AVATAR TOGETHER. I LIKE YOUR TIE BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE AVATAR. WEAR IT TO THE THEATER WHEN WE GO SEE AVATAR. THE USHERS WILL LIKE IT AND WE CAN SIT IN THE FRONT ROW AND GET CHURROS."
It's that easy. Now that you know how to stand, try it around the house. To be an NBA caliber stander, you need to practice. The best standers in the league (Roko Ukic, for example) spend up to eight hours a day doing standing training in the offseason. If you want to catch up, double that. Soon enough, you'll be standing with the best. Good luck.

PROTIP: The "aa" in NBaaSA is pronounced "aaahhhh" like drinking a ginger ale. So, the entire abbreviation is pronounced "EN BEE aaahhhh ESS AY."

Monday, December 28, 2009

Various NBA Mindsets During Drives to the Basket

Drew Gooden

Tony Allen

Erick Dampier

Bars to Visit: The Loft Lounge, Birmingham, UK

I was recently asked to recommend some good gay bars, so here's my first recommendation.


The Loft Lounge in Birmingham, UK, is a classy, modern bar, ideal for any sophisticated gays wanting a peaceful night out.

Service-wise, staff are very friendly and are willing to wait on your every need. The decor of the place makes you feel instantly very at home and comfortable.

The fact that the Lounge also serves food gives the place an L Word feel, as in, it's pretty much like The Planet. (If you don't know what I mean, brush up on your L Word.) I didn't have any of the food myself, but it smelled damn good.

The versatility of the people in there is also amazing. There was no drama, no fighting - even the straight people there just got on with what they were doing. That's my idea of a night out.

Of course, if you're up for a bit dancing, there are other bars in Birmingham that cater perfectly. (I've been told the best is The Nightingale on Kent Street.)

But if you want a nice night out - or even a date - I recommend The Loft Lounge with full approval.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas from Andrew Bogut

Croikey, izzit Christmas all retty? Me and my mates ain't get too cott up in that materialisticness of Christmas, mate. But still, Merry Christmas. Maybe throw a subscription to Cat Fancy in a stocking for yore best mate, mate. Or Vegemite, mate.

Oi. Merry Christmas.

Kangaroos, mate.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

50th post!

This post will mark the 50th entry I have done with Blogger.com and I have enjoyed all the blogging, the circumstances that have happened to make these entries, the comments that I appreciate greatly and people just telling me that they have read my blog and they like it. So thank you readers! This will be my last entry for the year 2009, but be ready for 2010! I will be coming back from Virginia and Passion Conference so I will want to share with y'all what happened.


The fact that its snowing on Christmas Eve in Texas is blowing my mind, but I love it! And hope it stretches over to Christmas Day so we can sing with joy "I'm dreaming of a WHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTEEEE CHRISTMAS.." by Bing Crosby. Through all this excitement and getting wrapped up in the secular idea of Christmas with receiving gifts I cannot forget for one moment what tomorrow is truly about. That tomorrow celebrates Jesus' birth! That Mary had a Son who would be Christ and walk this earth sharing the True life.

"When they saw the star they were overjoyed." -Matthew 2:10

Luke 2
"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." -Luke 2:11

I truly hope you all have a beautiful Christmas with your families, friends, yourselves, neighbors, pets and a joyous holiday season! Be back in 2010!


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Click to play this Smilebox greeting: Merry Christmas from the Gibbons Family!
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Christmas in the Capital, 2009

Robert: Dutifully made his way through two more hard semesters of George Washington Law School while working part-time at the law firm Koonz McKenney Johnson DePaolis and Lightfoot. He is currently looking for employment, mostly in Utah, to follow his expected graduation in May 2009.

Jocelyn: Gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in February, ran a RAGNAR in September (a crazy relay race for insane people that lasts a day and a half), and started working part-time from home as a freelance marketer/writer for justeyewear.com.

Peter: Joined a ward kiddie preschool, memorized lots of songs (like "Silent Night," "I Am a Child of God," and ALL songs related to Thomas the Tank Engine), learned to count to 20 and spell his name, and conquered sleeping in a big boy bed (shaped like a car). Also, he's *this close* to being fully potty-trained.

Jeremy: Arrived on Feb. 16, 2009 (Presidents' Day). He has been a wonderful addition to our family. Jeremy (AKA "Jer-Jer" or "Jer-Bug") loves crawling toward places he's not supposed to go, eating things he's not supposed to eat, screaming, and generally trying to annoy Peter. But he also loves laughing, making others laugh, and taking baths, and he's learning to stand up on his own using walls and chairs for support.

We hope this update finds you and yours happy, healthy, and ready for another glorious year! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Glasses for the Masses


Here's a shoutout to my wife, Jocelyn, who writes and does marketing for a new company called justeyewear.com. Her claim to fame is that she does all the writing (and some marketing and linking). And some excellent writing it is. (Click here to see her piece discussing Avatar to the 3d glasses craze).My claim to fame is that I was the first customer.

So check out justeyewear.com the next time you need some glasses. They've got good service, fantastic prices, and a gorgeous writer/marketer:

Friday, December 18, 2009

Santa Baby!

Dear Santa Claus,


I believe I have been a good child this year and I want to give you my Christmas List. If I even get one of these gifts that will make me very grateful. But I do have quite a few.

I would like: a pair of TOMS shoes, a nice sketchbook for me to draw/paint in, a new cardigan, new black flats, UGG boots, a ENO hammock, an Anthropologie gift card, a Canon Rebel XSi, a dog, a horseshoe necklace, Lovers Knot earrings.


Love,

Danielle Landy

Happy Holidays Everyone

Sup. I'm going to be on holiday next week for the holidays, so this will have to serve as the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Boxing Day post. Consider it my gift to you.



MP3: Brad Miller - White Christmas (left-click)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Saw Your Uncle Play Basketball Last Night

Your uncle is insane, man. I was at the gym last night and he showed up and he was angry. I don't even know what about; for all I know, someone drank all the coffee down at the post office before he had a chance to get a cup. I just know he was mad.

You know how your uncle gets when he's mad, right? He gets that crazy look in his eye like he doesn't want to hurt you, but if he does hurt you, tough break. He had that look all night. Every time he got the ball his face would screw up and he'd basically just try and run in to everybody. It was a little scary.

Oh, thanks for mentioning that he'd lost so much hair. It's been a while since I've seen your uncle, and if you hadn't given me the heads-up, I wouldn't have realized it was him. He's lost A LOT of hair. Like, a significant portion of it. Any idea why he doesn't just cut his hair short? Like Bruce Willis it. Seems like that'd be a better move. I wasn't going to say anything though. I didn't want to get punched.

It's not my place to say anything, but maybe you should take your uncle out to dinner and talk some things through. He looks like he's going through some rough stuff. And maybe bring him a hat or something because he's really missing that hair. You'll know what I mean when you see him. He's definitely missing it.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The "Chill Out, Juwan Howard" Chronicles, Part 4

Tracking Juwan Howard's ill-fated stint with the Portland Trailblazers...


Chill out, Juwan Howard. What are you even trying to do here? This is the most non-committal action you could possibly undertake on a basketball court. Are you blocking a shot or getting blocked or rebounding or what? Make up your mind. Jon Brockman is trying to figure it out and he looks even more dumbfounded than usual. Killer LiveStrong, by the way.

Chill out, Juwan Howard

Preparing a Dallas Mavericks Steak

Yield: 1 Dallas Mavericks Steak

Ingredients:
1 horse-shaped steak
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon cumin
14 oz. ginger ale
Coarse kosher salt
Picture of Jamal Mashburn
8 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon finely ground gingersnap cookie dust
3 oz. goose grease


Preparation:
Combine ginger ale, six tablespoons of oil, and goose grease in gallon plastic bag. Add steak. Marinate outside in 100 degree heat, with 89% humidity for 14-16 days. Remove from marinade and place steak on picture of Jamal Mashburn (can substitute Erick Strickland or Martin Muursepp depending on preference) for 24 minutes.

While steak is on picture, heat non-stick skillet and remaining olive oil on high, until smoking. After 24 minutes, remove steak from picture and place on skillet. Place oregano in a small mound on the non-cooked side, and eat half of the gingersnap cookies. After 6-8 minutes, flip steak, keeping the oregano mound intact. Place cumin in a small mound on the side of the steak that is facing up. The mound should be exactly opposite of the oregano mound, making the eyes of the horse. Cook for 6-8 minutes. Eat other half of gingersnap cookies.

Remove from heat and place on massive flatscreen LCD television. Add salt to taste.

Last couple of days

Its homestretch for these last couple of days. Not like I have any finals left, I only had one that was yesterday and I think I did fairly good. Thats one of the perks of taking art classes, you don't get a final. But as I get so close to finishing my Philosophy paper I want to jump out of my seat and do the tootsie roll because I will be finished with this class. And finished with my third Fall semester at North Texas! This semester has flown by in many ways, slow in class ways but fast with friends. I met more than a handful of wonderful people this semester and hope to keep communicating with them as Spring semester comes. The Lord has also worked hugely in my heart and Walk, showcasing Himself in ways I was always blind to see.

And as the year comes to end for 2009, it opens up 2010 so well
. Here are things to come:
1. New great episodes of Ellen
2. The Bachelor is back!
3. More So You Think You Can Dance
4. New Years Revolution (Read Bible, complete Pioneer Woman's Cookbook)
5. Hopefully camping
6. Moving
7. Witnessing my BFF get married!
8. Hopefully more photography opportunities
9. New art projects
10. Maybe a boyfriend is in the year for 2010!
11. Reading new books
12. writing out "2009" instead of "2010" for the first couple of weeks because that just sounds and looks funny
13. Possibly a short-term missions
14. A visit to New York?!
15. Seeing what God will do with my life!

Let's just say 2010 will be eventful.


Luke 1:46-49 (New International Version)

Mary's Song
 46And Mary said: 
   "My soul glorifies the Lord 
    
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 
 
48for he has been mindful 
      of the humble state of his servant. 
   From now on all generations will call me blessed, 
    
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me— 
      holy is his name.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Paging Matt Bonner

Things have been pretty hectic at Blowtorch Consulting the past few months. After I put together the Brandon Jennings proposal, business boomed. And as the business has grown, I've had to sign a lot of non-disclosure agreements. This is the nature of commerce, I suppose.

But we are MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. For instance, last night while shopping for ingredients for a sausage casserole, I found our newest product endorsement.

GINGERBOY COOKIES - "Like gingerbread men, but younger in a not creepy way."

Some people say, "always be closing." I say, "always be brainstorming," which is probably more effective; some doors should remain open. Last night, in a split-second, I stormed my brain for a shortlist of possible Gingerboy endorsers. Here it is with each candidates pros and cons:

Blake Griffin
Pros: Has red hair. Actually marketable. Young, which correlates to the boy part of Gingerboy. Loves nutmeg.
Cons: May not be receptive to endorsing an offbrand cookie as he has other opportunities. Probably would want to change product name to Gingerballs. Hates cloves.



Brian Scalabrine
Pros: Has red hair. Kinda chunky, target market will identify with him.
Cons: No one wants to see Brian Scalabrine while they're eating.


Matt Bonner
Pros: Has red hair. No other marketing opportunities, so he would probably jump at this one. Avid baker.
Cons: Often sports a red beard. Possibly Canadian.
After careful consideration, I've decided to target Matt Bonner and his agent, Kenny Grant. Considering the other players Grant represents, I think he'll be pretty intrigued that someone actually is marketing one of his players. That's the Blowtorch Consulting strategy: make people who aren't marketable feel marketable so that they will pay you to market them.

Let's make this happen.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Prelude to a Basketball

"Prelude to a Basketball"
- a poetry slam by Baron Davis -

Oh beautiful ball
Orangest of balls
Filled with air
But still it falls

Rounder and roundest
The perfect of spheres
Fear not the basketball
Be of its ears

Channeled and smooth
The ball, it shall bounce
But never again
The ball, I renounce

Sunday, December 13, 2009

A yearning desire


This morning at church I kept getting distracted by own thoughts and could not focus well on the message spoken by Beau. It was not because he wasn't talking about something good, because it was. He spoke from Hebrews 11 talking about our sufferings and being encouraged through the temptations. I liked this verse "God has planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." 11:40

With my tongue and writing it down can I say "Lord I trust you in this situation and have full faith in you that you will provide in my every need." But my heart needs to be changed in that and fully let Him control. Because my heart yearns Jesus's return so that I can be face-to-face to Him and be in the heaven He created. I always want to be able to text Jesus and ask Him what He thinks in this situation, would He participate in this, how would He love this person, what would He tell me with straight words. But I know I must be here for my certain amount of time and fulfill His promises to me. My heart also thirsts to be a mother, a wife, so I pray during this time of singleness I can further His kingdom by maturing myself, bearing good soil so that I can then bear good fruit. And during this time allow myself to fall more in love with Him, minutely, daily, monthly. Because His love will never fade away from me. He will love me more than anything can, anyone can, anyone could. His love surpasses all.



Lily... Marry Me?

You might remember a while ago that Brit popstar Lily Allen announced that she once 'snogged lesbian twins'.




Well the reason I didn't pick up on this before was because I didn't really like Allen that much. But after seeing her in concert this week, I'm actually in love with the woman.

She slated world leaders in true Brit fashion, sang like a true star and danced like no one was watching. All this is 3 sexy outfits. Brilliant.

So I'm just saying, Lily, if you ever want to 'snog' me, I'm totally in acceptance.

Marriage is on the cards, it seems.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Reactions to Ryan Anderson's Goatee

  • Oh, no. We can't be having that kind of facial hair. Such a nice young man.
  • CANDY BARS.
  • I bet I looked that good when I had my goatee.
  • Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
  • Hmmmm...I'd look superfresh with a goat like that.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Pau Gasol, He Ereses La Cana a Lot

That's what I'm always saying. I scream it a lot. I'm always like, "Pau eres la cana! Yeah!" People don't really get it, but you two get it. You know what I mean. Because if there's anyone who really eres la cana it's Pau Gasol, am I right?

The funny thing is, I don't really speak that much Spanish. And even less Catalan. But I'm pretty sure that when I say "Pau eres la cana," which is A LOT, I'm speaking the truth. That dude LOVES to eres la cana. Loves it. It's basically his favorite thing besides hook shots and making his hands look like deer hooves.

I don't know though. I guess it would make sense that I check in to what it actually means instead of just telling all my friends that Pau Gasol eres la cana. Well, I guess I've already told all my friends, but it couldn't hurt to check it out before I tell them again. Let's see here.

"Peace eras the sugarcane?" That doesn't even make sense. Is this some sort of code? It doesn't even reference Pau Gasol. This is really embarrassing. All this time, when I was yelling "Pau eres la cana," I thought I was just saying something like "Pau, you're a baller," or, "Pau, you're beard is okay." I definitely didn't think I was propagandizing on behalf of the Sugarcane Peace Coalition.

Thanks for nothing, Spain.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Getting stuff done

Within the next day I need to complete a drawing motif with shoes.
In the next week I will be taking an art exam.
Also in the next week I have a paper to turn in.
Within the next month I need to find peace about situations.
Every day I need my Savior.
Every moment is His.
Help me to trust you Lord.


Check Out My New Tattoo

It took me a while to figure out something that I'd want on body for the rest of my life, and I finally decided on this Bulls tattoo. I wanted to get something subtle and unobtrusive to show my support for my favorite basketball team. Plus I can cover it up for job interviews. Definitely not going to regret this.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Asian/Pacific Islands Basketball is Confusing

I like watching all kinds of basketball. Or as the Spanish might say baloncesto. I feel like I can relate to basketball at any level. Yes, I much prefer the NBA to anything else, but I'm always down to chill out on a college, high school, or international game.

But I have never watched a FIBA Asia game ever. In fact, I just found out it was called FIBA Asia because of Google and their website, which a) exists and b) has a theme song that autoplays that is hilarious. That is my entire understanding of FIBA Asia basketball. And judging by some recent photographs, that's probably the most I'll ever comprehend, because holy cow what is going on here?

In FIBA Asia basketball, large women guard small men while the kid from Little Miss Sunshine watches from press row.

In FIBA Asia basketball you can only block shots through the rim.

FIBA Asia basketball is very emotional.

In FIBA Asia basketball, some players have the ability to float parallel to the ground. This is a perfectly legal defensive strategy.

Similarly, in FIBA Asia basketball, some players can make the ball levitate. If you levitate the ball, you can advance it as if you were dribbling. It is not considered traveling because it's magical.

FIBA Asia basketball is heavily influenced by the Harlem Globetrotters.

These are the only known facts about FIBA Asia basketball. I learned them from reading the website, so I'd suggest you check it out then come back here so we can have an in-depth discussion about FIBA Asia basketball. Also, magic. We can talk about magic since that's all you want to talk about these days.

Monday, December 7, 2009

2010 Resolutions

I know its not the New Years yet, but I am already beginning to think of what I want my New Years Resolution to be. I want a couple and the only one I have so far is to read the Bible in an entire year. I have gone through about 5 books, but I want to read ALL of them in order, within a year. This year I somewhat failed, only completing about 14/52 "Do Something New Each Week" so I need to step it up for 2010. 

You can leave a suggestion if there is something I should try. 


Jon Brockman Plays Meaningful Minutes

5:50 remains in the first quarter of a very important Miami Heat/Sacramento Kings game.

Paul Westphal: Jockman? Bron. Jon? Bron Jock...Jon Brockman! Go play basketball.

Uhhhhhhh.....now? Me? But uhhhhhhhh it's uhhhhhh the first quarter period uhhhhh....

Dokay dokey. Gonna go play I guessssssss. Uhhhhhhh thing I migh grabba webounders duhhh...

WHOA. That man is a fast man with duh dwibbling. Like uhhhhhhhh so fast at dwibsles. Maybe he needs help wif duh webounders. Uhhhhhhhhh someone stop him fwom dwibbwing to duuuhhh hoop.

Zoings. No one stopped dwibbly dwibblesons from dwibbling and now he is dunky dwibblesons. Stupey stupid dwibblesons making dunk shot basketball. No webounders make the sads. Duhhhhh....

Paul Westphal: Jockman, you're out.

AWWWWWWWWW! SO NOT FAIR!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Things That Actually Happened in a Professional Basketball Game in 2009


Whoever this guy is shot a jump shot.

The guy from the Dead Presidents movie poster ran on the court for a hug from Undercover Brother.

The most overwrought dunk attempt of all-time was blocked by the most overwrought block attempt of all-time. Relax, guys.

Whatever Aaron Brooks is doing.

PRO TIP: Sometimes you just have to link to something involving Eddie Griffin.