Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Derrick Rose Wears a T-Shirt

I was chatting with Skeets yesterday when he casually dropped a bombshell:

Rose has done nada.
And more alarmingly -- he's playing in an undershirt.
Who does he think he is? Me!?!?!
Clearly this is cause for concern.

Only in summer leagues are players allowed to wear a full-sleeved t-shirt under their jerseys. Yeah, you’ll see quite a few Under Armor types of base layers during the regular season, but they’re otherwise forbidden. This is right and just. Full sleeves should be left to college guys and rec leagues.

As a devotee to the triviality of on-court style, I will not budge on this. You’re in the NBA, look like a basketball player and not some hopper on The Wire.

However, I suppose there may be some decent reasons for wearing an undershirt. Being fair, I’ve provided a few of those reasons:

- Shoulders were removed following a tragic half-pipe bicycle accident.
- You have shoulders, but you’re thin, man. Real thin.
- Increased resistance results in more speed when the shirt is removed.
- Grotesque burns on upper arms.
- Embarrassing tattoo of the lyrics to LFO’s hit “Summer Girls.”
- Typical men’s league jersey has extremely wide neck which causes the jersey to slip off your shoulders.
- To hide an abysmally small frame.
- To prevent chafing.
- You were the fat kid in grade school and have always worn a t-shirt during athletic activities, especially swimming.
- To protect other players from your small, dagger-like nipples.
- Obscene amounts of chest hair.
- You went to college with me, and also thought it was hilarious to have a guy on your NCAA March Madness 2005 team called "The Shirt."
- Played for a handful of Illinois high schools which have jerseys with sleeves and are therefore more comfortable in sleeves.
- Effectively hides the joints from your robotic arm implants.
- Rebellion against the tyranny of the NBA dress code.
- You’re my fiancĂ©e and you get cold easily, even when it isn’t actually cold. For instance, at a Borders.
- Suffer from night terrors where you show up to important events naked, therefore the more clothes, the better.
- You’re a never-nude and always wear a t-shirt..
- Have always dreamt of having wings.
- You’re J.E. Skeets.

Though I’m pretty sure I covered every possible scenario where a sleeved t-shirt is acceptable in the NBA, feel free to add some more in the comments.

Gracias, Matt y Skeets.

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