Wednesday, February 25, 2009

NBA Players I Think I Could Beat in a Fight

This is me. I am 6 feet 5 inches tall, and I weigh around 220 pounds. I am 25 years old. According to this 2006 survey, I'm just about the average NBA player, except the 4ish years of experience. Unfortunately, I've yet to be called up from the Glendale Heights Park District Men's A League. I'm surprised, too.

I'm pretty even-keeled. I don't have a terrible temper, but I also won't back down from a confrontation. Two Sundays ago, I nearly started a riot at my men's league game, due to an intentional foul. While I'm not actively seeking out fights, if someone were to start one with me, I'm going to defend myself. Of course, I'm a genial fellow, so I haven't been in a legitmate fight since 4th grade when I beat up Mike Punkachar in my living room.

But being average-sized, I thought it was necessary that I put together a list of players who I think I could beat in a fight. Even though Barack Obama wouldn't let it happen, there's a chance that another Pacers/Pistons brawl could happen at any time. Here is the list of NBA players I think I could beat in a fight, with a short description why:

  • Alex Acker - probably asthmatic.
  • Maurice Ager - lacks peripheral vision.
  • Alexis Ajinca - seems awkward.
  • Morris Almond - too pretty.
  • Chucky Atkins - named Chucky.
  • Jose Barea - tiny.
  • Marco Bellinelli - extreme tan suggests vanity.
  • Goran Dragic - appears to be 11.
  • Kevin Durant - weak.
  • Daniel Gibson - well-groomed, and therefore unconcerned with physical contact. Nicknamed "Boobie."
  • Manu Ginobili - would fall.
  • Kyle Korver - avoids confrontation.
  • Rashard Lewis - timid/easily bruised.
  • Tyronn Lue - small wingspan and top-heavy.
  • Steve Nash - brittle.
  • Chris Quinn - looks like this:

  • Cheikh Samb - easily distracted by shiny objects.
  • Sun Yue - weighs 120 pounds. Possible martial artists. May re-think this one.
  • Roko Ukic - pregnant.
  • Yao Ming - slow, lots of surface area for striking.

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