Monday, January 12, 2009

Assessing LeBron's Announcement

By now, you know that LeBron is making some sort of announcement on January 18th. But what could it be?

Here's some hypotheses:

  • Notorious was alright. Not great, not bad, just alright.
  • A co-sponsorship between Nike and Rogaine, in order to minimize the effect that his dependency on terrycloth to disguise his male-pattern baldness has upon the environment.
  • Apologizes for the LeBron's Lightning Lemonade gum, which "didn't really taste that good."
  • He found Damon Jones.
  • Another pair of clunky shoes.
  • Yet ANOTHER pair of clunky shoes.
  • More clunky shoes.
  • The new pronunciation of his name: Lay-Broon. It coincides with a Ralph Lauren collaboration to be released in France.
  • That he thought "Jockin' Jay-Z" was pretty bad, but he likes "Brooklyn (Go Hard)."
  • Has reconsidered the global icon approach. Now wants to be a desktop icon.
  • Something involving Lil' Wayne*, which will be named LeBron Wayne.
  • That he's really excited for Lost to come back. "Polar bears need love, yo."
  • Crab dribble instructional tape.

*As I typed this, I realized that this is probably true. Think about it. Weezy has been in the last two LeBron commercials. He's the biggest star in rap right now, and he'll do a track with ANY BODY. What's keeping LeBron and Wayne from doing a rap song? If/when this happens, it will immediately become my least favorite song of 2k9.

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