A Couple of Hipsters Talk About the NBA

Grizzly Bear's alright, I guess. If you like glossy production and a complete detachment from humanity. Everyone knows Horn of Plenty is their best record.
(phone rings)
What up?
Wazzzzzzzzzup?

Really? Is this 1999?

I was being ironic.

Yeah. Hilarious, bro.
(rolls eyes)
So what's up?

Just calling to say how much more authentic the Lakers are. I mean, we're even more New York than you.

Whatever. I don't even care. The Knicks sold out when they hired Pringles. The teams with Marbury and Crawford were way more real. Way more street, which is what's important to me. I mean, I love mixtape rap. Plus, you're team is overproduced.

That's what you said about Neon Bible, too. You need to get over that. The emotions are still real. Ron Artest is real. Lamar Odom is real.

Kobe's so contrived it's humiliating. The only worthwhile guy on your team is Vujacic. At least he hasn't sold out. Plus he looks like the dude from Fischerspooner.

You didn't even know about Vujacic until I told you about him. Not to mention, he's gone mainstream. I can't believe how out of the loop you are. You probably haven't even heard of Chinemelu Elonu, who's my favorite Laker.

Sell out.

Poser.

Can you guys shut up? I can't hear this Limp Bizkit record over your incessant blabbering.

photos via CobraSnake and Village Voice

An Angsty Magic Fan Weighs in On the Finals

Song: "Outside" - Staind featuring Fred Durst

Mood: Persecuted

Fascists. The Lakers are fascists. You know exactly what I mean, so don't preach to me about the fairness of the "collective bargaining agreement" or the "salary cap." This latest "victory" of theirs is just another egregious misstep by the NBA and their fascist leader David Stern. Fascists.

It's obvious that Stern conspired so that the Lakers would win. It's blatanly apparent in the way he allows them to swindle a team like Memphis for Pau Gasol. And if you don't realize the inherent prejudice towards the Lakers throughout the nation, then you're blind. Just like the rest of them.

And that's another thing. The blatantly obvious media bias for the Los Angeles Lakers is appalling. It was practically a coronation for that communist Kobe Bryant. There is no doubt that Dwight Howard is equally as marketable as the league's poster child, but do you see this being set forth by the league as a chance for a young star to shine? No. That wouldn't fit their precious agenda to anoint the NEXT MICHAEL JORDAN, which let's be honest, can't happen due to Stern's protecting of his legacy maker.

Let's not forget the disregard Stern shows towards the fans. Fans like me. Fans like my cousin. The real people. The working class. The people who watch the games. The people who buy the tickets. The people who pay for his pretty athletes to prance around in their shorts making millions of dollars, while we scrape by and pay their salaries. Stern doesn't care. Never has, never will.

Someday, this whole fascist organization will crumble and I'll be there on top, laughing from on high.