Occasional Observations on Several Subjects: Michael Jordan Thoughts

• My due date was February 17th, 1984, which was Michael Jordan's 21st birthday. As anyone who has studied Nordic mythology will tell you, sharing a birthday with someone gives you that person's powers, meaning that I was to inherit at least some of Michael Jordan's skills. However, my mom's womb was so warm, and her amniotic fluid so nourishing that I hung out for another two days and was finally born February 19th. As such, I became an average basketball player with a rump the size of Jahidi White's, with whom I share a birthday. Tough break.
  
  
• The second pair of shoes I remember owning as a child were aqua Sky Jordans.
  Back then, they called kids' sizes Sky rather than Air. I was convinced, at 6, that this was because theoretically, you could touch the sky, but not the air. Like there was ground, then sky, then air. Even with that reasoning, teachers let me skip first grade. Suckers.
  
  
• The first pair of shoes I remember owning were paint splattered Chuck Taylors.
  
  
• My history with the Air Jordan XI is well documented. Even though they're quite beat up and eight years old, I'm wearing them today.
  
  
• Jordans I have owned that I remember off the top of my head include: Jordan V (aqua), Jordan VI (black), Jordan VII (Olympic, black), Jordan XII (white), Jordan XI (white), Melo 4 (Oak Hill), Jordan 2009 (black).
  
  
• The Jordan 2009 is a sad story. I bought them about a week ago, brought them home, and wore them around the house for a little. Because my ankles are apparently made out of marshmallow, I returned the shoes and got LeBrons instead. It's the first time I've ever chosen LeBron over Jordan, and it made me have sadness at least 3%.
  
  
• I'm pretty proud that if you Google Image Search "Jordan XI," this website is the first result.
  
  
• All my life I've been told that Michael Jordan was a well-dressed man. He's been on the cover of GQ multiple times. I've now come to believe that this is one of the greatest myths of all time, because look at these.
  
  Then: Now:
  Liars!
  
  
• In a similar vein, I have two Jordan Brand samples that I got from a Nike store that my wife absolutely hates. One is a reversible blue zip-up vest, and the other is a bright orange elephant print jersey. These are kept in a special drawer where no one will see them, and I can't figure out why she doesn't like them.
  
  
• I'm of the opinion that Jordan should have been inducted in to the Hall of Fame immediately after he retired in 1998. Not only would this have honored Jordan like Gretzky had been, it probably would have kept him from returning to the Wizards as well. Win win.
  
  
• Michael Jordan is my favorite athlete of all-time. He tops a list that includes Deion Sanders, Dennis Rodman, Chipper Jones, and Ryne Sandberg by miles. My mom loved him. My dad loved him. My sister was in the Shaq fan club, but that's beside the point. My wife loved him. Her mom and dad loved him (they also loved Bill Wennington, and there's a candid picture of him displayed in my living room). I still watch his games on DVD. I still read everything I can about him. I can understand why people didn't like him, and that he's probably a terrible person, but he's one of my heroes. He's why I love basketball. He's why I love Nike. He's a big part of why I'm me.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects: Things Learned in Colorado

Thanks to a well placed source in Denver (really) and confirmed by this article, Chris Andersen is not shaving until his wedding next June. Here is a dramatization of his beard growth:

"I'm the grizzly bird."
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You guys are all jerks for not calling me. As such, I've added the widget on the left, so call me, jerks.

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I visited the inspiration for the most important song of 2009:

I'm here.
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My real life Internet music writer friend recommended an album that my real life Internet basketball writer friend had previously recommended, thus proving that there is more than one Steely Dan fan on Earth.

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This song too:

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Future projects to come after I finish this stupid book:

• A second book
• A comedy mixtape

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Occasional Observations on Several Subjects - the Things I Wonder Edition

• I was driving to work this morning, listening to Dr. Dre, and the thought popped in to my head, "I wonder which of the songs on Chronic 2001 is Lamar Odom's favorite?" I know he's from New York, so he's probably pretty tied in to that scene, but I'm also fairly certain that he'd be a huge Dr. Dre fan. That being said, I'm guessing his favorite song is "Xxplosive" or "What's the Difference."
• It's always been surprising to me that Tim Duncan wears number 21. 21 is sort of a flashy number, for guys like Kevin Garnett, Darius Miles and Zaid Abdul-Aziz. Duncan seems like he'd wear something in the 40s. This has been bothering me for at least three weeks.

• This is something that KD and I talked about, but I'm still shocked by the Cavaliers. Take away LeBron and they're worse than the Bucks last year, who were 21st in offense and last in defense. LeBron is THAT good. So good that he makes the team 1st in offense and defense. That's ridiculous. "We Are All Witnesses" is a really bizarre marketing strategy, but it's also really true.

  
• I wish this were a real album. I also can't believe I didn't do this 3 years ago.
• Things on the docket for this week: internet/cable installation, which means there will be a new Blowtorch Presents, probably sometime next week. Also, there is going to be some other audio noises happening in other places, but I've probably said too much.
• Last, but certainly not least: I'm opening a cupcake shop called ToughCakes.
  ToughCakes - tough to eat cupcakes
  
  
  As you can see from the ToughCakes on the right, the tagline is fitting. And yeah, I made heart-shaped cupcakes. Deal with it.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects - the Free Darko Book Launch Edition

• Whilst at the Free Darko book launch, some humans ended up watching the Warriors-Pistons game. This guy came in the game. I had never seen this man in my life. It was the first time I've been stumped on a player in a long, long time. To make things worse, every time the cameras were close to showing the back of his jersey, they'd cut away or he'd turn around. It was as if he was taunting us with his anonymity. Turns out, he's named Anthony Morrow, an undrafted rookie signed by Golden State. A player so unknown that NBA.com has no picture or bio for him. Of course, he ended up playing significant minutes down the stretch.


• Outside of Stephen Jackson, Andris Biedrins, and Corey Maggette, watching the Warriors is no longer fun for me. I think it's mostly due to Nelson and his refusal to settle on a rotation. There are only three possible explanations:
  
  1) He's trying to prove that the roster he's been given is in adequate in a push to have Mullin ousted.
  2) He's tinkering and trying to find the right combination of players to keep the ship afloat until Monta gets back.
  3) He feels his system can account for the severe talent drop-off after his three best players.
  
  He won't settle on a point guard. He plays Azubuike a lot of minutes at a position where he takes a lot of jumpers, even though he's a terrible jump-shooter. He's just now figuring out how to use Brandan Wright. He's running Stephen Jackson in to the ground. Frankly, his lineup choices are terrible and I help thinking that it's because he's selling out Mullin.


• It's WAY too early to tell, but the Iverson trade has really messed up the Pistons. They are a mess on defense and his propensity to dominate the ball, coupled with the Pistons deferrential nature seems like a bad mix. I'm a big, big fan of this team (and the majority of the players on the roster) but I have a bad feeling that Curry's inexperience and subsequent lack of respect will be the Pistons' downfall. To get through to Wallace and Iverson AND get the most out of their young players, they need a very strong coach. It's unlikely that Curry is that guy.

END BASKETBALL ANALYSIS

• The Free Darko party was everything I expected and more. The pizza was great. The awkwardness whenever anyone would enter the room was even better. I am continually amazed at how open and friendly and receptive bloggers are in person.


• It seemed like a joke in the post, but we really read the manifesto in unison. Surely this frightened the party in the next room. Most strange is that the first few lines of the manifesto, when read aloud, definitely sound like an altar call from a church.
  

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects - the Great Oden's Foot Edition

• Maybe a week ago, Matt and I were talking about the prospects of Greg Oden. I'm in the "best dude ever" camp; Matt's a little more subdued/skeptical/other word starting with S. The main crux of his argument is that Oden might be injury-prone. I said, "worrying about injuries is silly." Matt got salty.
  
  However, Matt also appears to be right. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and today, I'm that big man.
• Due to internet obligations/my DVR being occupied by Dancing with the Stars and Without a Trace (not my choices), I only got to see about 10 minutes of the Bulls game. That's too bad, as it appears they are both exciting and maybe decent. Tyrus Thomas had a good game and Derrick Rose is for real. Larry Hughes being injured sure doesn't help hurt either.
• Skeets mentioned it last night, but I whole-heartedly agree that one of the best parts of the NBA season is seeing everybody's new hair/look/personal brand. It's hilarious.
  
  Particularly up for debate was Delonte West. I'm pro-hair as it makes him look less like a re-animated alien corpse, but that's just my opinion.
• Another important matter of business during the live blog was the creation of Goatman. Ergo, all posts this Friday will be done as Goatman, for Halloween. I don't know what that means, but it's going to happen.
• New podcast tomorrow, hopefully. It's available for subscription in iTunes now. Just search for the Blowtorch.
• More to come later...

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects: The Orlando Magic New Uniforms Edition

The Magic have new jerseys this year, as they seem to do every 3 years or so. One of their promotional pictures is shown below. My thoughts follow.

From left to right:

• Jersey basketballs rank near jersey t-shirts on the level of horrible NBA branded merchandise.
• Is this the first time Bo Outlaw has ever smiled?
• The starry Magic jerseys of yore are among the worst jerseys in the past 10 years. Also included are the yellow, pin-striped Pacers jerseys, the pin-striped Rockets jerseys, the red Nets alternates, the gold Kings alternates, the silver Mavericks alternates, and the wide-shouldered black Bulls alternates.
• The new Magic jerseys are pretty nice. While I'm not a fan of that color of blue (too blase), it's a solid colorway. The only real problem I have with the jersey is that the pin-stripes fan out near the top. That's pointless.
• Rashard Lewis has the clap.
• WE FOUND NICK ANDERSON! HE'S BEEN AT MONGOLIAN BARBEQUE THIS WHOLE TIME!
• Seriously, who switched Nick Anderson with Chuck Person?
• The black, pin-striped Magic jerseys are the best they've ever had. It's a known fact that I am in the bag for Penny's shoes, but those jerseys are great too.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects: The September Sucks Edition

Here's why:

• Nothing important has happened regarding basketball since the gold medal game. The biggest "story" since then has been that Shaq's going to retire in 2 years. Can somebody get Ben Gordon to do something rash and hilarious?


• My favorite college football team, the Michigan Wolverines, is terrible. On the plus side, at least they're really funny to watch.


• My favorite professional football team, the Chicago Bears, are a house of cards. They're relying on an aging defense, rookie running back, and Kyle Orton. This can't end well.


• There hasn't been a decent rap release since Murs and 9th Wonder released their tape. And outside of "Nina Ross," that wasn't great by any means.


• The recent rap singles that have been leaked ("Swagger Like Us," "Love Lockdown," "Jockin' Jay-Z") have been interesting until you actually hear them. Then you listen to it and nothing.


• I can't remember the last time a rock release has been that interesting. Not since I got Dodos from Weiss has anything of recent vintage stayed playing.

All this makes for a fairly lackluster month. BUT, the NBA starts in October. That's not so bad.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects VI

Lollapalooza headliners edition

• I'm exhausted. We didn't even really go to that many bands but between wearing Nike Free 5.0s and Nike Fire Biscuits, my feet are struggling. And I had a basketball game on Sunday before we went. I'm not in good shape. Ergo, no pictures yet. I'll scramble together what relevant thoughts I have on the festival's headliners.
• Radiohead is one of those bands I wanted to see before I perish. They're the main reason we bought tickets, in fact. And beside the fact that they were strangely quiet, they were amazing. I'm going to see them again, indoors. However, the fireworks during "Fake Plastic Trees" were poignant. Yes, poignant.
• I've been regretting missing out on seeing Rage Against the Machine since I was a senior in high school. After seeing them Saturday night, I'm pleased. They were everything you'd expect from Rage Against the Machine. Creepy leg dance from Morello. Lecturing and general juicebagginess from De La Rocha. Stupid fans. It was a great time.
• Except for the De La Rocha lecture. He's so wrong about so much.
• This Kanye set was way better than the United Center one. No more weird space travel "plot." Less autotune. "Put On." It was bangin' the whole time through and it was awesome. Go see Kanye, please.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects V

Pitchfork Festival edition

• As recently as two years ago, I was devoted to the Pitchfork music festival. I'd be there from the first notes of the first set (Pelican, if I remember right -- terrible) and wouldn't leave until the very last song of the last artist. Things done changed. I was at Union Park for a total of 4 hours on Sunday. Spoon wasn't worth staying for. Ghostface and Rae were dope and King Khan was fantastic. After those two acts, I didn't really care for anyone else there. Sorry, Bon Iver.
• It can only be assumed that the mid-1990s Charlotte Hornets are the hipster choice of NBA team. I counted at least 3 Alonzo Mourning jerseys, 2 Larry Johnsons, and 1 Muggsy Bogues.



• About that King Khan set; Fiancee and I showed up about halfway through and were blown away. Not only did it sound awesome but the stage show was hilarious. Headdresses, capes, and a cheerleader. But really, isn't Khan just a much more talented Har Mar Superstar? Is there any chance he can keep up what little success he's had without turning in to a total joke? Enjoy it while it lasts.
  
• I'm a well-dressed fellow. This is a certainty. However, I'm also not above taking chances stylistically and I definitely don't frown upon people doing their own thing. All that being said, there was a gluttony of terrible, TERRIBLE fashion choices this weekend. There is a very distinct reason that deep v-necks and short jogging shorts went out of style. No one wants to see that much skin on a man. Ever. And while it's pretty played out to say "all these people want to be individuals but they dress the same," it's also painfully true.
  
• The Animal Collective set was perfect for a last set in the dark. Their ambient stuff is way better live than on record.
  
• I met Jeff Weiss and he was the most earnest and genuinely happy blogger I've met. And aside from the wristband, the least affected. Good people. Also, no homo.
  
• I wonder if when Ghost and Rae joined Wu-Tang they ever thought they'd be performing to 10,000 sweaty, white kids who know all the words to all their songs? That can't have been part of RZA's plan.
  
• If you're a musician playing at Pitchfork, it's probably pretty easy to walk around and see some other bands since there's at least 25 people who look exactly like you.
• Raekwon HAS to be related to Kirby Puckett.
• Number one most punchable at the festival: Tom Breihan

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects IV

• The only thing worse than t-shirts under jerseys are jersey t-shirts. Just by a real jersey, man.
  
  
• I really don't like the implied martyrdom in the Elton Brand situation. People (including Brand himself) were talking about how he and Baron would have been two superstars finally getting their chance at a ring. Clearly this is all because of Boston last year, but it's ridiculous. Neither Brand nor Davis has been in the league long enough to be considered long-suffering. Neither Brand nor Davis has ever seemed particularly concerned with dying to win a championship. Neither Brand nor Davis have ever been big winners. These are just two pretty good players who could have played together. They aren't legendary players whose careers won't be complete without a championship. I blame this on Ray Allen.
  
  
• I'm hoping Matt was referring to the playoffs when he said adding Josh Smith could make the Clippers contenders. That team is LIGHT YEARS away from competing for a championship. And probably quite a bit away from even winning a playoff series. Even with Smith helping to erase mistakes, their defense is going to be horrid.
  
  
• Know this: Brandon Jennings WILL become a patron saint of FreeDarko.
  
  
• Shanoff's suggestion/recommendation/whatever that Jennings spend his year off developing an intense training regimen is laughable for so many reasons. Shall we investigate why? Yes, we shall:
  
  a) Taking a year away from competive basketball is a bad idea. How then, will NBA scouts really know how to compare you? Even random European guys have footage of them playing other humans.
  b) Since Jennings and his staff would have to develop this regimen, it'll obviously be new. Why would an NBA team respect something that doesn't have a legacy behind it?
  c) No shoe company will give a player an endorsement deal if no one can see them play.
  d) Jennings wouldn't be able to play against elite competition since all the elite competition would be in season. Therefore, he's going to go A WHOLE YEAR without playing against anybody that'll really help him grow as a player.
  e) For how character-concerned NBA teams are, will a team look favorably on a guy who takes a year off from playing against elite players?
  
  Other than that, it's a great idea.
  
  
• I made this comparison in FanHouse's liveblog today, but it needs to be seen again: Eric Gordon could end up like Fat Glen Rice, from his Lakers years. In fact, his ceiling is probably Glen Rice's best years.
  
  
• I think this is abundantly obvious, but Beasley's new tattoos aren't a sign of Nationals fandom. They're a shout-out to his hometown. I've considered getting the Phillies P (which was my high school baseball team's logo) on my arm and I'm anti-Phillies. Same thing. Minus the millions of dollars, of course.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects III

• Henry brought this up a little bit ago (fifth bullet), but I subscribe whole-heartedly to the "mock drafts are just conjecture" school of thought. If you don't have access, you're just guessing. What Skeets, KD, and their crew is doing is perfect. What does a team need, who will help, and why. That's exactly what you need from bloggers. Leave the prognosticating to guys like Chad Ford. They talk to people and can actually have some insight in to what a certain team is looking for. If you want to make your guesses, go ahead and make your guesses; I'd rather read about what YOU think a team needs and how they can realistically go about fixing that need.
• If you're looking for more actual draft insights, go to Ridiculous Upside. Matt's talented, and internet fam, and he also works along the lines of providing actual analysis rather than guesswork.
• Matt REALLY needs to buy a URL for Hardwood Paroxysm. That's way too long to type when you add the Blogspot nonsense at the end. Oh, I'll being appearing over there from time to time this summer.
• The Shaq diss on Kobe is definitely hilarious but don't believe for a second that Shaq was going off his head. He has this reputation that he's the NBA's funny guy for a reason. His persona is just as contrived as LeBron's is. Notice that the only time he's making jokes or goofing off are in instances when he's had time to prepare (press conferences, commercials, etc.), but when he's put on the spot (like in a locker room setting) he's intentionally dull.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects II

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects is where I go to clear my head.

Game 4
- There isn’t really anything that can be said about this game that hasn’t already been said, but I’ll elaborate on a few things that were notable to me.

- I had been talking to Matt and Skeets earlier in the day about how there hadn’t been a really notable game since Game 1 of Suns/Spurs and that all the big storylines thus far in the Finals had been negative (Pierce’s knee, foul nonsense, Donaghy, etc.). Last night changed all that. This was easily the trademark game of this year’s season. It’s ironic that is was an Eastern team over a Western team.

- This is the best dramatic commercial I’ve seen in years:

- For all of Doc’s terrible speeches, he did a fantastic job of coaching last night.

The Internet
- A blowout first half, followed by an incredible comeback, followed by a dramatic finish are the perfect circumstances for a liveblog. You get to talk about whatever’s clever in the first half, and then have exciting things happen in the second. Throw in actual insight throughout and it’s amazing. A huge thanks to Skeets for putting me on over at BDL.

- I’ve considered shutting down the Blowtorch after this season, but in lieu of things that have happened in the last week or so I've realized that was silliness. However, that line of thinking got me wanting to do more "stuff." I don’t know what that means quite yet, but when I figure it out, it’ll be awesome.

- I love that my government name and internet name are used interchangeably in Blogfrica. It’s very Wu-Tang Clan. Now I need to add a “street name,” which I’m hoping will be Trey Stacks.

The Carter 3
- First and foremost, this is NOT a classic album. You cannot have a classic album when only five or six of the beats are any good.

- I think the main reason that Wayne’s mixtapes are so good is that he got to use whatever beat he wanted, then he’d just imitate whatever the original dude’s flow was, and add his Wayne shtick. That way, he sounded natural on the beat but was still doing something different with his metaphors or whatever.

- The thing I HATE about this record is that there are so many songs that have the terrible Southern hi-hat and snare. I can’t stand those things. They make everything sound cut-rate.

- Here’s what would make me really like a Wayne album: work exclusively with the Neptunes and Timbaland to make a sci-fi record. Those beats, coupled with Wayne going off on some space ish would be thrilling.

- If C3 results in a new business model with rappers releasing big mixtapes incessantly the mixtape game is going to get watered down VERY quickly.