Brandon Jennings' New Shoes

As you already know, I'm a very powerful advertising executive.

Heeeeeyyy. You want some ads?

And you already know that I'm down with shoes.

Heeeeeyyy. You want some shoes?

But you probably didn't know that I was working closely with Under Armour to create the newest shoe for their biggest (and only) NBA endorser, Brandon Jennings. Brandon wanted to go with something that represented his team, the Milwaukee Bucks. I think we subtly alluded to that with this newest signature shoe, the BJ2.

The BJ2

There's some pretty impressive performance features. The zipper helps to maintain the low profile that Brandon likes, and the Hoof Bottom^TM allows for forefoot flexibility. Of course the coarse deer hair (obtained from real deer carcasses*) let's Brandon's foot breath, while keeping it dry and warm. The extended Deer Ankle Technology^TM gives support to both high and low ankle sprains.

Inspiration

We really looked to nature on this project, and I think it turned out pretty well. In fact, Brandon was wearing the shoes during his 55 point explosion. That's a pretty ringing endorsement. Right now, the shoes aren't available for the public, but they will be released over All Star Weekend. These will be especially great during the cold winter months. Stay tuned for further updates.

*No deer were harmed in the making of the BJ2. All hair was obtained from a roadkill exchange initiative in the Milwaukee area.

New Signature Shoes

I was on the information superhighway earlier today, transversing the shoe blog exits when I found the following shoes. It took some digging, but I was able to find out which shoes belong to which people. Let's take a look.

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Dahntay Jones

As the head of a growing consulting company, I'm a little surprised that Dahntay Jones's people are supporting a shoe like this. I mean, he's kind of already got a rep as a "dirty player," and wearing shoes with a bunch of tiny knives on them isn't going to help. However, in this economy, you've got to do what you can to bring in money.

Grant Hill

Aside from his basketball skills, piano skills, and strikingly large ears, Grant Hill is most well-known for his ankle injuries. Putting him in a fancy splint isn't just good business sense, it's also a nice step towards rebranding Hill's various maladies. If you can convince people that hurting your feet is cool, then maybe they won't think his massive contracts were a colossal waste of money.

Kobe Bryant

His last signature shoe, the Zoom Kobe 4, was about as minimalistic as a basketball sneaker could be. Until now. Yeah, these are ostensibly high-tops (compared to his previous lows), but the removal of all nonessential material is pretty amazing from a design standpoint. Furthermore, since it's Kobe, you know he has the newest features, such as a sole that has no cushioning, which somehow still provides cushioning.

I'm constantly amazed by the innovations in shoe design. As soon as Blowtorch Consulting gets big enough, we'll probably land a deal with a brand and then make amazing shoes. Until then, enjoy these player editions!

A Tribute to the Worst Signature Shoe Ever

I spend a lot of time thinking about what would be the worst signature shoe ever, usually between three and four hours a day. That's why it's really weird that I forgot that they had already been created.

That's right, those are Master P's signature Converse. You remember Master P, right? He's probably the worst rapper ever and he played in the preseason for the Raptors.

It's hard to imagine why Converse went bankrupt.

(Side note: I'm slowly becoming convinced that the Raptors are the funniest NBA franchise. If the internet had been around during their inception, we'd be regaled with some hilarious, hilarious things.)

(Other side note: Here's the entire No Limit discography if you hate your ears.)

The Worst Shoe Commercial Ever

Allow me to expound on the various reason that this Converse commercial is the worst major shoe commercial of all time. BULLETS.

• It stars Jalen Rose, John Starks, and Brevin Knight.
• Starks and Knight have their voices altered as if they had inhaled helium. That's Jalen's real voice.
• The guys seem to be playing a game of 2 on 3 in the abandoned building where Jim Carrey meets Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.
• The main selling point for the shoe that's being advertised is that it has helium in it.
• Besides the fact that the main selling point of the shoe is that they have helium in them, the shoes are atrocious.
• For whatever reason, Brevin Knight has his shirt off in his close-up. He also looks like Pusha-T.
• Seriously, helium shoes.
  

Otherwise, great commercial. With that kind of advertising, it's hard to see why Converse went bankrupt for a while. Total shocker.

Hmmm...What's the Deal with Olympic Shoes?

As Skeets and I power through the All-NBA Olympics, I pose to you this question: What in the name of good design is going on with these Olympic colorways? The Hyperdunk (as a shoe) is amazing, but these special editions are pretty out there. Your comments are welcomed below.

In Progress

I'm working on something for HP right now. While I jot, ponder this:

Which shoe is worse?

The worst Jordan ever created.

OR

The ugliest Arenas' ever designed.

Choose wisely.