Determining Sean May's Waist Circumference

An NBA basketball is 9 inches in diameter. I've included two cross sections of ball, which overlap across Sean May's waist. As you can see there is slight overlap, probably about an inch and a half. This leaves us 16.5 inches across the front of Sean's waist.

If we assume that the back of his waist is the same as the front, we're currently at 33 inches. Since Sean is a three-dimensional being, we have to account for his sides. If we conservatively estimate his thickness at 2/3rds of a basketball, we have 6 inches on both sides.

Therefore:

Front (16.5) + back (16.5) + right side (6) + left side (6) = 45 inches

Which in turn, explains why this happens:

When the first suggested result of your name is that your fat, rather than that you play professional basketball, it's probably time to re-examine your eating habits.

An Annotated Guide to How Sean May Disgusts Women

1. Shields eyes to avoid an accidental glimpse of underarm floppiness.
2. "Dad, this guy is SO fat."
3. Transfixed by jiggling back fat.
4. Refuses to look for fear of paralysis, vomiting, and temporary blindness.

Getty Images Completely Invalidates Sean May and His Family

Wowsers, Getty. I mean, I'm sure Sean May isn't terribly happy about being injured so often, but do you have to rub it in his face? And then to bring his dad in to it? That's just cruel.

Hilarious, but cruel.