If Vin Diesel Was Commissioner of the NBA...

• Each team would have two jerseys: skins and white v-neck.
• Every player, official, and team employee would be allowed to keep their first name, but their last name must be changed to Diesel.
• Shaquille Diesel would have several MVPs.
• Drunk driving would be punishable by banishment from the league. Street racing, however, would become part of All Star Weekend.
• In fact, All Star Weekend would take place on a deserted city block in downtown Los Angeles every year.
• The NBA Finals would no longer have home court advantage, since the championship series would be played in the California desert. It's name would be changed to Basketball Wars, and rather than playing for a championship trophy, the winning team gets the pink slips to the losing team's cars.
• We would call below average players "busters."
• The three-point field goal signal done by referees would be changed from arms raised above head to arms extended to either side of the body, parallel to the floor. Every arm muscle available should be flexed.
• The shot clock would be shortened to 10 seconds.
• All commercials would feature the tagline: "The NBA - live your life a quarter at a time."
• All players would be required to shave their heads.
• There would be A LOT more Asian players.
• The Detroit Pistons would be the center of the basketball universe.
• The NBA would be the most popular sport in America, even though its premise is totally ridiculous and unbelievable.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Cuts His Beard

In this thrilling conclusion (maybe...) to season one of The Brad Miller Show, our hero sheds his facial hair.

I Made It

Guys, I was violently ill this week. I couldn't even sleep through the night and I ate about 150 Tums in 2 days. I didn't know if I was going to live through it. My life flashed before my eyes. It was like watching a Brad Miller video, but with somewhat less headbands. I was terrified.

Would I ever get to see the Bulls make the playoffs again? Would I ever get to make a really good sign for them?

It was horrible. Laying there on my couch, I was pleading. If Carl Landry can get shot and live through it, why do I have to die from eating two bowls of chili at 10:00 pm? Then I started thinking, will I ever get to see Carl Landry play again?

I mean, he got shot, you guys. Just in the leg, but it's still significant. 50 Cent got shot 9 times and he's alive. Didn't I deserve to live? I had just started to go green, too. I think I was making an impact. My movement, the go green movement that I created, has already reached Los Angeles.

Sure, some people have taken it too far. Like the Bobcats. They just made a joke of my movement with their silly green uniforms. I wouldn't miss the Bobcats and they're smug, "Look at us we're wearing green uniforms" attitude.

I was determined though. I had my Tums and my will and I promised myself that I wouldn't be outlived by Dikembe Mutombo. That'd just be embarrassing.But the thing I'd miss the most of all, besides my family and friends, but probably more than some of my "friends" (haters), was that I'd never get the chance to see your brother and your dad play basketball again.

They were such an inspiration to me. Such a motivation to keep fighting for my life, while I was eating Tums. If it wasn't for them, I don't know if I'd have survived this horrible illness called sweat sickness. I saw it on The Tudors and it was really deadly, so I'm pretty sure that's what I had.

But I made it, guys. And I have your dad and brother to thank. Tell Brian and Steve I said, "thanks." They'll know what it means.